She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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