garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
