tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
