i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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