I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
