His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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