She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
