your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize