If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
