Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
