you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
