I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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