so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Damn victory sex feels great
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
