You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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