It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
