Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
