I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
