no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
