He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
