You smell like stripper and shame
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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