I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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