thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
