so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
