I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
