I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
