Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
