I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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