I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have to summon your inner elephant
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
