I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
