I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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