i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
