i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
