we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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