that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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