my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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