Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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