just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
