Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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