That's when you crack a 10am beer
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize