Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
