I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
