nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
