remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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