I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
