Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Houston, we have a squirter
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
