I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
