Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they call him Oral-B. enough said
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
