I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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