They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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