I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
