My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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