it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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