I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
