I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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