Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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