Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
