Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
