I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
