are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
