I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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