Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
