i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
