Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
