no, he came in my armpit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
