I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
