Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
