i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
