One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
