Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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