guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
