I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
