you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
