You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
