K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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