Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
