Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
