I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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