Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
