I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
