i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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