i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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