Jerry, you need to find god
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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