just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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