I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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