Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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