I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
