Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
