oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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