non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
