last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
