i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
