just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
