He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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