I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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