If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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