You can't special order awesome
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
