I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
