I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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