The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
